The revolution of tenderness
- Diego Martinez
- Jun 4
- 4 min read
Is being empathetic harder than being selfish?
The other day, while I was having breakfast, my 3-year-old son started playing the “mean dinosaur.” I asked him why he was a mean dinosaur. He told me it was because mean dinosaurs were strong. So, I explained to him that kind dinosaurs were even stronger than mean ones because being kind was harder than being selfish, and it took more strength to do that. (After a series of “why, daddy?” he finally understood.) When he finished, he started playing the kind dinosaur (making the same sounds as the mean dinosaur, but with a different name). After that, I thought: if being empathetic, tender, or kind is harder than being selfish, shouldn’t we learn to be that way? Just as we look for a teacher, a coach, or a personal trainer to teach us difficult techniques, wouldn’t we need someone to train us in kindness or tenderness? Are there qualified people for that? Isn’t that precisely the role of parents? If being kind is harder than being selfish, does that mean selfishness is more “natural” for us? Are we bad by nature? So many questions came to my mind from that small moment of happiness with my son.
“Man is a wolf to man”
The English philosopher Thomas Hobbes stated that “man is a wolf to man” to express that human beings are driven by selfishness or the principle of self-preservation, and thus often prioritize their own interests at the expense of others. (I’m not sure Hobbes had much experience with actual wolves, since for wolves, the pack and teamwork are essential.)
A different perspective comes from Nietzsche, who argued that the desire to exercise power and domination over others (the will to power) was the fundamental drive of human behavior.
In contrast, Martin Buber defended the idea that human fulfillment is found in relationships with others, and therefore, selfishness does not contribute to personal realization.
Ultimately, the question of whether humans are naturally selfish or altruistic has long fueled intellectual debate.
From a more scientific point of view, studies on altruistic behavior in primates show that we are “prosocial” beings and that altruism is naturally part of our behavior, almost instinctively. In this sense, selfishness might rather be seen as a disruption of our instinctive behavior.
From an evolutionary standpoint, empathy is a more effective strategy for survival.
Are we selfish or generous by nature?
Click on the image if you want to learn more about empathy.
Bubble Society
One thing is certain: in our hyperconnected Western society, individualism and loneliness have been steroid-boosted. Social networks feed a system of bubbles that show us only what aligns with our own thinking—bubbles that isolate us from any thought divergent from our own.
The big problem is that one of the foundations of altruism and cooperation is understanding that the other is precisely that—“the other” (alter in Latin means “other”) and therefore different. Without accepting these differences, altruism and true cooperation are not possible.
The education system, for its part, does not help at all. In most parts of the world, for 12 years, we are taught to defend our interests, our results, our “career.” You got a 10 (top grade), but the other 20 students didn’t reach the minimum? That’s not your problem, you succeeded, and that’s what counts. If we teach this logic in school, how can we not apply it later, as adults, with the money we earn?
The revolution of altruism and tenderness
To return to the beginning, we arrive at the same conclusion: in a world that pushes us toward individualism, being a kind dinosaur is harder than being a selfish dinosaur. I’m not saying that taking care of yourself is bad (this is not a moral lesson), but being selfish is more like going with the current and trend of today’s world, and there’s nothing impressive about that. Swimming against the current always requires more strength than simply letting yourself be carried along.
Can you imagine if school taught that, as long as everyone hasn’t reached the necessary level to move forward in classes, no one could progress? What kind of society would we create? (I’m not saying this is the solution; we would surely need to rethink the system.) A society where no one could rest or move forward until everyone had enough to eat, a roof over their head, or the right to see their family freely—that would surely be a healthier and happier society.
However, a revolution would undoubtedly be necessary to change everything, that’s for sure. A revolution of tenderness, empathy, and altruism. I believe such a revolution is becoming increasingly urgent, almost a matter of survival. Without it, we are surely destined to disappear, like the dinosaurs.
Altruism or extinction
Click on the image if you want to learn more about altruism and its importance for our survival
The revolution in everyday life
Today, the revolution is still far from having begun, but that doesn’t mean we can’t start a revolution in our personal lives. If you need a little push, know that those who practice altruism live longer and healthier lives.
Reaching out a hand or an ear to someone close, giving up your seat when someone needs it, listening carefully when someone chooses to share something with you these are small things (among many others) that can spark a revolution in our daily lives.
Why not join a volunteer organization? One thing is certain: becoming a kind dinosaur won’t be easy, but what is sure is that you will become stronger and, above all, an example for those who decide to be kind too (like your children, nephews, cousins, or any little dinosaur who follows in your footsteps).
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